You know how you can give a friend advice on a situation and in your head how they should act seems so clear, but to them, it’s such a foggy situation? That’s the feeling I feel when I reflect back on things in my life. I’m not too sure why, but life always seems to be simpler when you’re looking back on it rather than when you are in the moment. Is it because of the stress we put on ourselves during that moment that made the situation more than what it was? Were we distracted? Second chances come rare, so make your first impression worth the chance. There’s a line in the song where Lona. says “I use to share it all though, now a n***a be holding back” I feel this is so important in why I am the way I am and why situations may end in my life how they do. I use to be the one to share it all and let it be known how I felt at all times, but when you go so long and keep repeating the same thing it begins to feel useless to talk. I feel that made me hush and look at myself on the inside to make sure I wasn’t the problem, and even if I were I was searching for the solution.
“Wanted girls that I couldn’t have, but there was love that I could’ve had”
A lot of times in my life when it’s time for me to get into a relationship there are always 2-3 girls that are consistently hitting my line, wanting my time, which lets me know each one wants to date me. I always feel stretched out to choose which I’ll date because each of them has features that I want in my women, but I can’t keep them all and continue to play with their emotions while I search for mine. I’ve chased a lot of women trying to satisfy a craving rather than being interested in them truly, and I know on that road of cat and mouse I lost a lot of real chances at love. I had my mind focused on achieving a love that wouldn’t be beneficial for me, but the closer I got to it, the more I felt satisfied. I’ll never second guess my decisions, but I will wonder if it was the best route out of all the other choices.
Life comes quick and we can only go forward and hope how we are moving in the right direction. There is no pause button, we can’t mess up, rewind, and get it all back together. Once we reach our destination, then we can stop and review how we did on the journey, but other than that we can only look in the rearview mirror to see what’s behind us and see if we can make any current changes. When you’re the one driving the car you have so much to juggle at one time. You’re trying to balance between listening to whoever is in the passenger seat talking, staying in your lane, making sure your blindsides are seen, being aware that everyone is driving correctly, and most importantly having the aux game going strong. In my opinion, as long as the music is hitting then everything else falls into place. When it’s not, then that is when the most nonsense begins to occur. I feel life seems so much simpler looking back because you are no longer attached to the situation and you’re able to think with a more clear mind instead of being swayed by emotions and attachment. It’s easier to see what the problem in a situation is when you’re not connected to the source.
In the moment you may not always be able to see what value someone brings to your life until they are no longer a part of it and you feel the change. Time is funny. Isn’t it wild how you can do 30 things then look at the clock and only 25 minutes have gone by, but you can be out with your friends having fun and 3 hours can feel like 20 minutes? No matter how much we try to manage time and make it stretch longer than it is, it’ll always be moving and either we’ll catch the drift or get left behind. Life is about adjustments and how well you’ll adapt to the bumps in the road. It’ll never get easier, you’ll just get stronger and be able to adapt better in later situations.
“Time don’t heal all wounds, but tears do“
These lyrics were real in my eyes because sometimes you just need to let it all out and hold on no longer because that’s all you can do at that point. Sometimes the longer you hold on the more it hurts because you’re now straining to hold on to something that wants to run away. You can leave a lot of people out of love because you realize you’re not ready for them or vice versa, and it would be selfish of you to hold on to something that you can bring no benefit to. You don’t always get the closure you want leaving some situations, and that can kill people inside because they are left feeling as if they are a problem in an equation they weren’t supposed to be in. In the end, it’s reality that we live with. We are a reflection of all our choices… Choose wisely…