I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS MUSIC
I’ve found out one of the best ways to stay happy and at peace with life is to not have any expectations for anyone. Just let them be, what naturally comes will tell you who they are without your influence. A lot of the things I used to worry and stress about are now currently past me and I look back and laugh at how much pressure and anxiety I put upon myself as the time got closer and closer to the deadline. It’s like when your teacher tells you about a test three weeks before it comes, but you blow them off because you know you have three weeks to study. Eventually, you bullshit all that time away instead of using it to prepare and be ahead now the test is here and you’re the student that looks around and say “we have a test today?!?!” That analogy is my life. A lot of times I would be warned of how situations would go and I would ignore them because I would keep telling myself I would study, take out the trash, etc. later and eventually forgot all about it because I would rather continue putting my energy into what it was currently indulged in.
When I look back at the things that caused me a lot of pain I can also remember the gentle reminders and heads up life kept throwing me as warning signs. Being headstrong in my decision, I chose to constantly overlook them because I felt my choices were reliable enough to no longer accept input. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. In my life, I have seen how a lot of situations I’ve been in go in other people’s experiences and I use to always tell myself if it ever happened to me things would go differently, but that’s easy to say when you’re not currently attached to that predicament. I always tell people to take advice with a grain of salt. It’s easy to tell someone how things should be going in their lives when you aren’t the one connected to any of the things that are a burden to them. You have to be wise with who you choose to listen to, people give advice from the experiences of their own lives. You can’t expect someone who’s never chased their dreams to understand why you’re chasing yours… Still, always keep an listening ear. Shutting yourself off to advice from elders will only hinder your life experiences as you’ll learn you’ll keep going through the same situations until you learn how to conquer them. Experience breeds wisdom, don’t ever be so prideful in yourself that you become a victim of shame.
Life has a funny way of humbling me. All the things I begin to feel like I’m good at and begin to slack up on always come in and knock me on my butt when I least expect it. Have you ever felt so attentive, but still unaware of what’s happening around you? It’s like when you really know the answer and have your hand raised and the teacher calls on anyone, but you. I think once I reached a certain age I begin to review my life and try to figure out why I was the way that I am. This process isn’t easy either, I’ve been at it for the last two years… It’s like in these years I’ve been more conscious than ever of my actions, but still feel like the passenger seat rider to my life’s decisions. I find myself thinking in the past a lot and it always hurt my present because I am no longer my present self, but a visual of my reflections from that day. You know when old folks would say “I thank you God for allowing me to wake up with my right mind today,” I think I finally understand that. It’s like some days I’ll wake up very positive and other days I’ll wake up with everything on my mind looking like a depiction of what my dreams took me through during my sleep. Sometime’s I just want to be free from my thoughts and just enjoy what’s in front of me, but I always find myself lost in my own mind while others are trying to figure out why I look like a soulless human. The moments where I truly feel present in life are the moments I live for now. My happiness lies in the unknown of what is to come.
My happiness has begun to stem from my curiosity of what I know nothing of. My love language is teaching me about something I have little to no knowledge of. Actually taking the time to put me on to something that you find interesting interests me because now I get a chance to be in the mind of someone other than me. Not expecting things out of people brought me a new insight into how I view everyday life. Now I know that I can only control what my actions are, everything else is out of my control no matter how much influence I might think I have on it. In an episode of Avatar the Last Airbender, Uncle Iroh told Zuko that what his destiny meant was up to him. To elaborate on that, I felt uncle Iroh was telling Zuko that no matter what situations and cards you’ve been dealt for your life, no one can tell you what your life should look like but you. Even when you realize your ideas for your life aren’t your own, you can still obtain your “destiny” because YOU are in control of YOUR life. A quote that’s stuck with me for a while is “you are a reflection of all your choices” what you get from your life comes from whatever choices you decide to make for your life. You can choose to run and hide from your problems or you can choose to face them head-on, choose wisely. A study showed that the fear we get from deadlines and things we are scared of is nothing compared to the actual feeling once that block passes us. We stress ourselves out more than we should because we are our hardest critics as we should be. I use to tell myself I didn’t want anyone to have higher expectations for my life than what my expectations were and now I could honestly care less. If I’m happy doing whatever it is that occupies my time and it keeps a roof over my head and food on my table, anything else someone offers me would be extra screws to something that’s already built. Figure out what you truly want out of life and you will begin to find happiness when you strive towards that rather than materialistic goals.