I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS MUSIC
Isn’t it crazy how the people closest to you will get angry with you for falling off the scene because you’re trying to grow and elevate? They actually feel possessive of your time as if your life is supposed to revolve around the illusion of constantly being around them. It’s crazy how many times people will invite you out with them just to do the same thing weekend after weekend. The even funnier part is they’ll get mad at you when you no longer want to be a part of their routine because it doesn’t grow you in any way. Separation isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes you have to separate to elevate. They say if you take a look at the people you surround yourself with you can see where you’ll be in the next 10 years, what does your circle say about you? I use to feel as if my toxic trait was when I’d go ghost on people to focus on myself, but I realized there is nothing wrong with the meaning behind the action. I always have the feeling of not accomplishing as much as I should because I know my true potential. Even after accomplishing something big, the emotion only lasts temporarily then I’m on a mission to get the next big thing that showcases my creativity. Maybe it’s because I feel as if the people who opinions I value the most seek my validation in degrees and job security, but I find my highs in putting out my best work and the reactions from it. Seeing my brand grow since the first blog I released in March of 2018 is more of a high in life than getting my diploma in high school was. I don’t knock diplomas, but value is in the eye of the beholder.
Before I started my brand all I did was go to class, hang out with friends, and drown in thoughts of feeling like I wasn’t bettering myself. I don’t think what I was doing wasn’t “good”, but previously being an athlete and sitting around for too long just never sat right with me. I had no extracurricular activities. I felt I had reached one of my lowest points in life even though this freedom was what I had been searching for when my time was so occupied. I chose to began a search for what my true purpose was because I felt what I was doing wasn’t what I was put on this Earth to do. I always loved the conversations I would have with my bros because they always stimulated my mind. This made me love being around them because we would literally sit around for hours just bouncing ideas off each other minds. In that room, we created a DJ/Producer, a Brand Consultant, a Businessman, and a great brand known as Arkham Thoughts. We never knew what we would grow into while we had those conversations, but the faith we kept in our dreams and God pushed us to grow into the shoes he had waiting on us. Nipsey Hussle once said “Find your purpose or you wasting air,” y’all might be too scared for all that though…
“23 and going through a midlife crisis”
One day my bro Tabias came across one of my tweets where I said “21 and going through a midlife crisis” and called me afterward to see what was up with me and why I’d say something like that. I told him I felt as if I was stagnant in life. I felt I had the same feeling from freshman year of college again where I was just stuck in my situation and had no way to get around the wall placed in front of me. The feeling of stagnation kills me. It’s that pill I’ll never be able to swallow because I hate the feeling of not progressing. Stagnation is like being lost at sea waiting for a ship to hopefully cross your path and save you. Growth always has resistance to it. This is why it’s so difficult for people to understand when they see you chasing a dream they possess no vision of. Since I made that tweet I’ve learned that stagnation comes along with many journeys. It’s why a lot of artists fall off after their third albums because they don’t know how to improve their sound. They become stagnant only knowing how to make what they currently do and not elevate the experience. This is my Third Season of Arkham Thoughts, so this is my sink or swim Season. Will I rise or will I fall? It’s so much pressure, but then again like Nip said: “Turnin’ up my grind wakin’ up to more pressure but it’s all in your mind, so I never feel pressured.” I always thrive the best when it’s crunch time, so let’s see if pressure makes diamonds.
“I never threw away that paper with my Grammy speech Because I haven’t hit the pinnacles I plan to reach.”
Ambition is something I’ve never lacked. I’ve always had high hopes and dreams for my life. I feel I was born with this feeling in me that I’m supposed to be great. Knowing that it’s hard for me to sit on my ass and not do anything that progresses me towards my dreams daily. Big Sean said on the outro of his album “I Decided” “ I don’t know why I always imagine myself as like someone who failed at everything he ever did at life you know and I got to the end of life and just regretted it all and somehow, this is my chance to go back and get it all right.” I feel that when I’m feeling stagnant that is just me losing faith in my dream. I learned that you can’t attach yourself to the outcome of your dreams too much because it’ll drive you crazy if it doesn’t come out the way you want it to. Proverbs 16:9 “we can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps” this verse keeps me grounded in knowing that all I go through is just a part of the process. A lot of times we want to have a plan for our life and expect it to go exactly according to that plan, but we have to leave a little wiggle room for God to do his work too and make sure everything happens in perfect timing. I learned God’s timing is always better than the timing I have for myself. I know my family has high hopes for me and I know that I can’t let down the people that risked and invested so much into me. I have to remind myself why I started when I feel low because it’s not about me, it’s about using my gift to spread positivity through every situation and hope that my actions align with my purpose. I’ll forever keep creating my art because this is what I love to do. Making content that stems from a wild thought in my head and seeing how it can grow into so much more brings me a happiness I couldn’t buy. Whatever recognition that comes along this journey is just a blessing for my efforts.
Naomi Osaka said in an Instagram caption that most of the time she doesn’t really know what she’s doing, but if there is one thing she knows is that she is stubborn. If she falls 18 million times she’s gonna get up 18 million times. That is how I feel about my life. I know that sometimes the lows feel so bad and you want to give up because you’re tired of constantly rising just to fall again, but think about how many great people never got the recognition they deserved because they got tired of falling and gave up. Faith without work is dead, so make sure what you’re praying for you are working for as well. God isn’t a magician, he won’t reward laziness. Chasing your dreams won’t be easy, but imagine the feeling of the reward once you finally reach your dreams. Never feel bad for letting things go because you are chasing your dreams. Everyone can’t follow you on your journey because they don’t have the directions to get to where you are going. “Circle got smaller everybody can’t go.”