I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS MUSIC
At what point does tough love turn into hating? Let me elaborate… I know that tough love can be beneficial in ways, but when does the positivity out of the love come? It’s like people use “tough love” as a cover-up to their secret dislike of whatever you’re doing. It’s a good excuse for them to talk negatively to you over and over and then give you one compliment to try to balance out the hate they’ve been dishing out for however long. The biggest downfall in my life is that I stopped playing baseball because of the outside influences of the people that should’ve been pushing me to keep going. I really hate how something I use to love doing because it kept me at peace I no longer have any desire for. It’s like finding the woman of your dreams and then not liking her anymore because someone told you she has 9 toes… Do you see how stupid that sounds? It haunts me almost every day that I can’t pick up a baseball out of fear of falling in love with the game again. Like I said in the blog “To The Max” “Since I was a kid, I always had the mindset that I was the best at whatever I did.” I can’t play again knowing that I’m not at the skill level I want to be at. This constant backpedal only puts me deeper into the pool of misery that I’m drowning in.
Wale talked about in an interview how he attaches himself so much to the outcome of what he does, that it ends up destroying him when he doesn’t get that desired reaction. That’s how I feel with baseball. I attached my constant ability to keep improving and being on the best teams to the idea and dream that I would go pro in baseball and in the end, knowing that the chances of that being very slim now have killed me internally. I feel like I let myself down by not reaching what I felt was my max potential. I know the chance is slim alone for someone to go pro, but you have to understand my passion and the belief I had in myself to understand why none of that mattered to me. The older I got in high school the more the reality started to set in for me. I saw how the favoritism began to show more and more to other players and how the opportunities that would be catered towards them, I seemed to never be able to get. My abilities would be overlooked and I would have to do for myself what I felt my coaches should be helping me do. It’s like everyone telling you to apply to college, but no one telling you or guiding you on the process of it all. It hurt feeling that all my hard work had come so far, only for when I needed it most to shine it was as dull as ever.
Even though I no longer play baseball, the skills that I learned while on the field has made me grow extremely off the field. I have a great judgment of people by observing them and their actions before I fully associate with them. The best way to see how someone really acts is to allow them to be free and do as they please. Words are easy to manipulate, but actions are hard to fake. After a while the actions will want to revert back to what’s normal which is why you see people do so good in the first few months of a relationship, then it all goes left because now someone is not who they seemed to be. Life may derail your initial dreams, but it’s up to how you perceive the journey on how your future will look.
I realized in life some battles you win, and some you lose. I know we have passions for our life that we think should take us to great heights, but that was only a season of our life. We can’t live off of that “hype,” we must evolve and keep going to see what else God has in store for us. Even though I no longer play baseball, I now have found new talents and discoveries of myself. If I never went through what I went through I would’ve never started this blog nor begun to make graphics again. I’d still be thinking baseball was my only way to get where I wanted to be, but now I know I have many other skills and options God has blessed me with. I win some because I had a great time playing and made many lifelong friends and connections through baseball, but I lost what I felt my end goal was. BUT my end goal is not what God end goal is for me. I have visions of doing so much more down the line in my life with baseball, and I’m building those connections now so that when the time comes I’ll be ready and able to hold my blessing with both hands. Let me not be sad that my vision didn’t come to life, let me be patient and allow God to move how he always do and trust what he has always done for me. Never stop believing in your dreams, they only die when you choose to cut off the source of them.