Heartbreak 101

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July x Jhene Aiko ft Drake


Sunken Place

I wish there was a pill you could take to get over heartbreak. The feeling just drains you and consume you into a pit of your emotions. It’s like falling into a sunken place and someone is reaching out to help you, but their arms are an inch too short to pull you up so you just sit in the pit and linger in your pity instead of jumping or making an effort to get out. Heartbreak has no exemptions. Heartbreak can happen to the best of us, and it doesn’t have to always come in the form of a relationship. I feel that you can experience heartbreak in anything that you attach your emotions to. Let me entertain you and give you a look into most people’s eyes while experiencing heartbreak in 5 simple phases…

Phase 1: The Denial Phase

This is the phase that plays the most mind games with you. You’ll think through so many situations in the hopes it’ll get you another chance to correct your wrongs, but that only puts you further out of reach of what you were hoping for. You in a way lose a sense of reality. It’s hard to wrap your mind around not having someone in your life like they once were or not appreciating what you went so hard behind to achieve. The denial phase will be the phase where you start questioning yourself the most. Was it your fault? What caused the change? How could something that felt so destined to be for you transition from being so close to your reach, to becoming far out of your grasp? It’s hard to accept losses when you worked so hard to win. I’ve learned that you can learn more from a loss than you could from a win. With some, a loss can kill their spirits and force them to give up forever, but for others, a loss is nothing more than an obstacle blocking you from what you want to achieve. I don’t know too many people that are satisfied with losing, I was once the person that would get angry and look for any way to release that emotion however it may come out…

Phase 2: The Anger Phase

When things don’t go according to plan the first thing we like to ask is “why me?” That question can stem from so much anger built up because you are hurt and looking for a reason behind the pain. You could’ve felt like you were the perfect person for the occasion, but reality had a different plan for you. Maybe the new route will take a little longer, but this new journey will lead you down a road of lessons learned from your past rather than having to suffer in your present and future. The anger phase is where you should cut all ties and move on for the better, but since we’re so stuck in the emotion that kept us in our situation, that thought is nonexistent and we tend to take a route of more pain and suffering. It always seems that in this stage is where the most questions about the situation arise and cause your pot to begin to bubble until it eventually boils over and creates a mess that needs cleaning. Be careful of the words you say out of anger. Wild things may come out of your mouth because of the pain you’re experiencing, but realize that words have meanings behind them and some people aren’t so easy to forget what you were so loose to say.

Phase 3: The Bargaining Phase

You know how you can hit your sibling really hard and they begin to start crying so you rush over to cover their mouth hoping their cries will be silenced so your parents won’t find out what happened and no one will get in trouble? Well, that’s the Giz of this phase. This is the phase where you do all your crying of being better the next time around and that if you get another opportunity things will go a lot better, but would they? A man with nothing to lose is very dangerous. He’ll lack morals that most would have and turn into a master of seduction to achieve whatever he wants. Maybe losing what you feel is best for you has a better effect than having achieved the goal in the first go around. We can try every task in the book to get another shot, but if you just lost with the same skills you brought to the table, do you think without any practice you’ll perform any better than you did before?

Stage 4: The Depression Phase

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with heartbreak, you may be entitled to the feeling of emotional depression. Emotional depression is when you lay in bed all day and can’t move. You’ll be hungry but have no desire to eat, your daily routine will be flipped with the breaking of many habits that you were previously doing with the woman or man of your dreams. Life will seem as if it has no point anymore. It’s like you’re just on earth to experience pain with a slight shot of happiness every blue moon to ease the hurt caused, but that feeling too never sticks for long… In this phase, it seems the days just pass by and your connection to the world fades away as your stuck in your own pool of emotions. The constant memory of what you once accomplished and the events that lead up to you feeling as if you’d eventually win will replay through your head every second of your day and it’ll become a point where you just want to escape your own thoughts. Keep faith though, if you made it that far on the journey your first time, with some adjusting and fine-tuning you’ll be back in the opportunity you previously wanted and may have a different outcome this time around.

Phase 5: The Acceptance Phase

There is no time limit to determine when you will reach this phase, but once it comes the feeling is so peaceful to your heart that you feel as if anything is possible. The feeling is like a ton of bricks being lifted off your shoulders and you’re finally able to move and see the sunny days again. Acceptance doesn’t mean settling for less. Acceptance can be the phase that transitions you back into the groove that once got you the attention of what you once sought. Use that pain and transform it into the energy of creation. Get back in the gym. Dive into your craft. Travel and be happy. Don’t allow any situation to hinder you from your purpose in life. When you get tunnel vision you can sometimes lose sight of what your initial purpose was and travel at 100mph feeling that you are getting ahead when in reality you’re going the wrong direction and need to stop and readjust. Accept that things are as they are supposed to be and adjust your view so that you can see where you are supposed to go next because your journey doesn’t end here.

Keep Going

A lot of times we feel as if the situations we are in have such a grasp on us that if they don’t go according to how we planned then our lives are over, but really it’s just beginning. That trial and error are what makes the character of a winner. A lot of people want to stand tall as a conquerer of all their wants and desires, but without ever falling how would you know what it is like to get up and try again? Be resilient. Nipsey Hussle once said that the difference between him and someone that didn’t make it was that he kept going despite all the losses he took on his journey. Life is about perspective and how you choose to look at the hand that was dealt to you. No matter how you feel, remember that there is always someone else out there that would much rather have your situation than their own. Life isn’t about comparison though, life is about learning and the journey of achieving what is meant for you despite all the obstacles that may arise. If you decide to give up on your goals, then you are letting down everyone that have hope in you. My favorite lines by J. Cole was said in his song “A Tale of 2 Citiez“, “Even if you let em’ kill your dream It’ll haunt you nigga, haunt you


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