How To Parent

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Common – Show Me That You Love

I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS MUSIC

I want to start this off by saying, this is a guide on how to parent. I know an excuse a lot of parents like to use to cover up bad parenting is ” I was never taught how to be a parent.” I can agree with this statement, but I don’t think that excuse is a valid reason to continually make the same mistakes in not knowing how to love or parent your child. Let’s take a little minute… A big thing kids need growing up is love and understanding. Maybe it’s because parents are so far removed from childhood that they don’t understand how it feels to be a kid that is trying to grow and realize their purpose in life. As kids, we understand that we need guidance and protection, but its a difference in being guided somewhere and being led down a route that isn’t meant for us. I love that as a child my mom always put me in different tasks such as skiing, band, baseball, and snowboarding to open my mind to different activities. She only forced me to try things, she never forced me to make those tasks my career or pressured me to be something that I wasn’t. Some parents know that their dreams were cancelled when they had kids, so they try to force their old desires and dreams on a child that has their own dreams they want to chase for theirselves. This is so selfish. Who are you to think that just because you didn’t succeed at something that you should force your offspring to do it because you couldn’t? A lot of times kids want to do what their parents do anyway, so be a reflection of what kind of life you want your child to model theirs after and they’ll follow.

As a child, I was taught the importance of learning from other people’s experiences. I learned that if you listened close enough to people talking you could find out how to avoid some of the mistakes they speak on them making. Kids are bound to make mistakes, help them learn from them so they won’t be dealt anymore wooden nickels. You can’t force a child to understand what you’re saying if you haven’t dumbed it down to their understanding. They say, you don’t truly know something until you’re able to dumb it down to a child’s understanding, so maybe the advice you’re giving your children you need to learn a little more about yourself. Being around other people kids is one way to show you how you do or do not want to raise your kids. We are all aware of that feeling when you’re with someone and their kid is acting a plum fool and you look at the other black person in the room with that “Couldn’t be my kid” look. How can we all have experienced childhood and knew the things that worked good and bad for us and still grow up to make those same mistakes in our offspring’s lives? All the information we need is surrounding us, we have to just be aware of it and know how to use that information wisely. We must break these generational curses eventually and begin to be the change we want to see in our families and homes.

A lot of spiritual parents love to throw the bible verse Ephesians 6:2 at their kids when they are being disobedient, but forget to speak on the scriptures that follow behind it. Ephesians 6:2 says “Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise” As a child just hearing that will make you think that you should do whatever your parents tell you to do, but they only use that scripture when you are acting out of control. Parents forget to mention Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” Stop enticing your kids because you have the label as being the parent. Respect goes both ways, so if you think disrespecting your kid will make them want to respect you then you are sadly mistaken. Allow your kids to express themselves in whatever way they may choose to, then guide them on a more effective way of expressing that same emotion. Parents see the action, but not the meaning behind the outburst. Sparing the rod and thinking you can physically beat the “devil” out of your kid is a terrible parenting tactic. I do understand some kids need a physical punishment for some actions, but that style doesn’t work for all kids. Allow yourself to see what the child sees for once and try to understand their frustration as well. As a kid, my dad would make me feel as if my struggles and pain weren’t worthy of speaking on because all I had to do was “go to school and make good grades.” I had no bills to pay or any mouths to feed. All of that was true, but my struggles are still struggles because I had not grown to a level where I could climb those mountains yet. This is why I would have wild outbursts of rage because I would start to bottle up all my emotions since I felt I couldn’t express my frustrations as well and one day the simplest thing could be the mentos in the coke bottle for me. Don’t compare your hardships or your life to someone else’s because you don’t know what it’s like to walk in their shoes no matter how big or small they are. We all face demons on the daily, so allow your kid to express themselves and help them understand what they’re going through, I mean you are the adult in the situation, act like it.

A big trait with my generation is we are very observant of other people’s actions. Many times parents would try to teach us certain things, and then we’d see them making the same mistakes they’re telling us not to make. Not only did they punish us for the mistakes, but they gave off a false god image because how can you build yourself up to seem like the perfect image to follow, but you can’t even practice what you preach? A lot of times I would hear “Do as I say not as I do”, but that would only conflict my mind even more. How could you know the right thing and still choose wrong, but expect me to be different and I’m only a child? Even in school, I could never respect those teachers that would always say “I’m here for the check, I get paid if you come or not.” Hearing that only made me tune them out even more and search for the same information they were teaching in someone else that I felt actually cared about what they were doing. Image is everything, so realize however someone treats you is based on how they view you. If you can’t get any respect maybe it’s because you don’t give out any, if you get ran over in every relationship maybe its because you look like an easy person to run over. Set your standards high and make sure whoever you encounter holds you to those same standards or you’ll be fighting for your own self worth in people for the rest of your life.

As kids, A lot of times we just want an ear that listens and gives us some good advice. Like everyone else, this is our first time experiencing this thing called life. We don’t always need a parent at every moment, we need a friend or mentor. Comfort your kids and allow them to think for themselves. Yes, your ways may have helped you, but everything isn’t for everybody. It’s plenty of people that are great parents and their kids turned out “bad” because they were never shown how to live life as themselves, now they act out because they feel that the only attention they can get is when they are not being “themselves”. Parenting isn’t an easy task I understand that, but learn from your mistakes and better yourself so that the next time you have the opportunity to be a parent you can excel at it. Love and meaningful conversations can go a long way. A lot of these kids are traumatized because they don’t even know what love is, this is why everyone is searching for their parents in their spouses and keep ending up with broken hearts. Love is one of the greatest teachers, don’t withhold this feeling because you were never given it correctly, continue to learn…

-KoryH

Please truly listen to this song. When I first heard it the emotions it ran through me almost brought me to tears. A lot of times we understand that parents are trying and may feel they are giving their all, but understand it’s sometimes the things you didn’t do that hurt us the most. The times we wanted you all the most and felt we could confine in you were the moments we felt pushed away the furthest. Open your hearts parents and allow your kids to pour into you and not just you pour into them. We can learn from anyone, not just adults or mentors. Keep your ears open and do not fear being vulnerable because of how it’ll make you feel. I’m grateful for all my parents have done for me even when things weren’t the best. I commend them for always making the attempt, but still, know that you never know too much and you can always learn more about yourself through someone else’s pain.

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