I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS MUSIC
Is this a safe place? I think so, let me get something off my chest real quick. Hello, My name is *bleep* and I’m addicted to life… Maybe addicted is a strong word, but what I really mean is I want to experience everything life has to offer. When I was younger my life was pretty structured. I went to school, played sports, and usually came home and repeated that the next day and so on. After high school though, I no longer played sports and all the time that use to be used for practice was now open for availability. While I played sports I still kept a good social life, but now with all this free time, I could really be able to be social like I wanted to. I never really went to parties, spend a night over people houses, or messed around with girls like many other people my age did, but now I had all the time to do whatever I wanted because I was in college, I lived alone, and no one could tell me what I could or couldn’t do, it was just me and my own self conscious. This is probably where the addiction started…
In his song “KOD” J. Cole mentioned weed as one of the strongest drugs on the planet. Now I won’t deny or agree with that statement, but I do know that too much of anything can kill you. If you knew me before college you’d know that I was one of those people that was always like “weed? eww,” the smell of smoke could literally change my mood I hated it so much. I never tried weed when I was younger because I saw how it affected the people that I knew around me. Some would skip school to go smoke, almost miss the bus because they were trying to get high before class or act like a feign when they wanted to get high in school but had no way to. All of these signs were things I saw on the daily, and the famous questions “Do I smell like weed? or Do I look high?” was a normal question for me to answer. I do believe weed can be used for positive outcomes, but when you begin to indulge in something and forget your initial purpose for using it you begin to slide into depending on the drug to feel a void you can’t stand to be alone with. And not to mention I wasn’t even 18 and knew people younger than me smoking. I know life is hard, but don’t become a product of your surroundings. Be aware of what substances you put in your body, I was once told observe what the majority do, then do the opposite.
Sex is a hell of a drug. Do you know how many women could rule this world off holding sex from men alone? Think about it real quick. When your girl made you mad and you blew up on her, what was the first thing she offered you to make you forget about what she did? Don’t worry I’ll wait… Sex! Sex was always hard for me growing up because I didn’t have many choices on where to do it at. I wasn’t about to be hopping out of windows because her parents came home early, I wasn’t going to be having sex with girls in the portables like the majority of people I knew in middle school was, and my mom worked from home, so bringing them to my house was a no go as well. Oh, but once I moved to college and had no one to sneak around anymore the opportunities were unlimited. Sex is like the saying “once you go black, you never go back.” Sex wasn’t something I could just try and then be like “welp I’ve accomplished that so on to the next thing”. Sex was something I dove into headfirst and for a moment got lost in the sauce in, forgive me Gucci. I got so lost in the sauce with sex that it began to change how I viewed women as a whole. I couldn’t just look at them for themselves anymore, I began to see bodies I wanted to have sex with or a body that I wasn’t sexually attracted to, not much of an in-between. I made relationships based on sexual compatibility and they all ended where they started. I lost the substance of relationships and built them all off of a shaky foundation that was bound to crack. How you get them is eventually how you end up losing them, remember that. I really had to train my mind to see women for themselves again, but it was hard when every woman I met wanted sex from me. Then again they say you attract what you put out, so was I the fault for my own attractions?
There’s a lot of things I occupied my free time with, but the majority of them were more harmful to me than benefiting. When I began to change my mindset and fill my time with things that helped me, people began to shun me for it. I was no longer the same person they knew and grew to love. Drake once said “Cause to have known me would mean that there’s a new me, and if you think I changed in the slightest, coulda fooled me” I never changed I just lost myself in my ways for a minute. The things I began to fill my time with helped me fill the same voids I ran to these other things for hoping they could cure it when in reality they just put me deeper into them. I’m not shunning marijuana or sex, but never go into a situation without knowing a way to get out. J. Cole said the most powerful drug of them all is Love, and I couldn’t agree more because love is something that can either bring you down to a level you’ve never seen before or soar you higher than you ever been before. Remember that there are different forms of Love, but only one Love is everlasting. Stop running back to these lil boys that hit on you because he “loves” you. Love is many things, but love is never violent. Grow up and face your fears, stop using all these avenues to cure a feeling that needs to be addressed. Put the energy that you put into keeping up with everyone else and loving on them into yourself, and watch you grow to new levels.