FEAR

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Kendrick Lamar – Fear

I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS MUSIC

Why do we FEAR the feeling of FEAR? Like you know? We really will sit back and stop being scared of everything that we feared and then begin to FEAR, FEAR itself. Paranoia is a killer. Paranoia causes us to FEAR. We are just scared something is going to happen because we know eventually it will come. You know the feeling when you have something big coming up, but you’re nervous to even think about it? Pointless FEAR. We don’t realize we could avoid all the FEAR that goes into that. Do you want to know what made Freddy Krueger so scary? The fact that he lived in our dreams or should I say nightmares. When you think of something so much and constantly, it begins to become a part of your reality even if you weren’t conscious of it. We all have to sleep, so our dreams make the perfect place for FEAR to creep up on us the most. Sleep is a state where you are lifeless but still breathing. FEAR is something where if you don’t stop it while it’s small it’ll grow and become something greater than you can imagine.

As a kid, I think what scared me most was the feeling of dying with no importance in this world. The concept of DEATH was still new in my head then, so to see how it affected the people closest to me caused a cancerous atmosphere inside of me. The crazy thing is for most of my childhood I didn’t lose anyone close enough to me to make a true impact on my life. I never had to go to funerals, so I just avoided the idea of DEATH at all costs. My first real experience with DEATH was with my papa. If I knew our last conversation would have been our last, I don’t think I would’ve ever left his house. CANCER has always been something I’ve feared since learning my zodiac sign (CANCER). I know how crazy that sounds, but CANCER runs in my family and to know that there is a chance it can creep up on me scares me nightly. I had a moment where I legit almost imagined myself to DEATH. I would connect anything I felt wrong with my body to having CANCER. I got to a point I kept going to the doctor for test because I just didn’t feel the same anymore, I felt like my days were numbered and I had just hit single digits… FEAR has crippled me deeply in times where I lost sight of my light in the midst of darkness.

I remember being in the gym one day for athletics in the 7th grade and the coach told all of us that there was a great chance a lot of us wouldn’t make it to see 18, let alone 21. That stuck with me for so long. It was like the only reason I lived was to touch 18 and prove him wrong, but the closer I got to 21 the more FEAR I felt. I began to be really cautious about where I would go because I didn’t want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The older I got I began to FEAR less, but FEAR never left me completely. Seeing so many people my age DIE daily only rises my awareness again to my life. I don’t want to DIE an incomplete life. I know we can’t accomplish all we set out to do, but if I was to DIE now I don’t think I would be fully satisfied… It is so much more out there for me and I know where I am now is not my final destination. For the last few years, I’ve feared that I won’t reach my goals or that I will lose my drive to create and be me. This can be why with each season of Arkham Thoughts I’ve tried something new. I want each experience to be different and creative in a way that’ll boost the experience in a way that will bring you back for more. I never want to be predictable, I thrive best off people assuming something about me and me showing up and doing more than they could imagine. FEAR has hindered me for so long, but now I know that FEAR is a man-made illusion used to keep you from seeing your true potential and I am no longer held captive to its depths.

The reality that we are being blessed in what we are striving for should be the knock on the head to tell us we’re doing the right thing. Us fearing that what we do isn’t good enough is the problem in itself. That is in all aspects too. GOD is giving us the green light to do something and we’re still tiptoeing around trying to see if it’s a safe place to step and move forward. We’re literally doubting that GOD is working in our favor because we’re too blind to see what he’s making bright as day for us. GOD really follows us and covers us in everything we do, even the bad. We FEAR everything but obeying the Lord. We FEAR these earthly desires and interactions, but not our spiritual ways. GOD tests us to see if we’re strong and to see if we’ll stand tall and be firm in his word. Yet we crumble to these earthly desires and forget what our real mission is and begin to do everything but what we should be doing. It’s amazing how easy it is to fall off track of what you’re doing when it is being a positive influence on your life. But it’s all love at the end of the day. GOD just wants us to realize he’s there with us every step of the way and he’ll bless us in everything we do.  It’s a lot of things we do that is basically exactly what we should be doing for GOD, but we cover it up and call it other names and lose sight of who the real source is. It seems like we’re now worshipping other “gods” because it gives us the “peace of mind” that GOD gives us on a daily basis. We’re just blind to a lot that GOD does for us and he covers us in many ways that we don’t realize until it’s too late. Stop being a last-minute Christian or believer of GOD. Believe in him every minute of your life. He blesses us in every way so stop acting like you can’t remember what GOD has done for you and get back to what you should’ve been doing your whole life. I use my site to see how GOD has brought me through so many situations I thought would take me out. We’re really blessed and walk around blindfolded every day acting like GOD has to prove his worth to us every day. We must stop putting humanly limitations on someone who is beyond all limitations.

-KoryH

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